Jul 12, 2009 at 11:17AM
Almost every Saturday morning (or Sunday if necessary) I call Elena to have Coffeetalk. Sometimes she doesn't answer and the answering machine* kicks in with her Brisbane-born husband's "Hullo, yeeve reeched Hayydrian 'n Heleyyna," at which point I yell as loud as I can into it because it's downstairs and if she's going to hear me while she's still in bed my voice is going to have to carry: "HELLO? GOOD MORNING! HI! HOW ARE YOU! WAKE UUUPPPPP!" Then I hang up and call my sister or my mother because I've already steeled myself for a period of inactivity and kvetching and by God I'll have it one way or another.
* Which was originally mine, purchased for, like, a dollar in a Connecticut Salvation Army in 2002 with the original recording from something called the Buffalo Emporium still on it, but then voicemail killed the plot point star and cell phones became the new deus ex machina for 99% of the human population and so it's almost like I'm calling from the future now.
Jun 19, 2009 at 7:16AM
Our new neighbors across the deck have a handsome black and white tuxedo cat who likes to sit in the front window. He notices me this morning through the side window and stares in curiosity. I immediately locate my 15-pound, feral-looking raccoon of a cat, hoist him up onto the counter, and force him to look in the direction of tuxedo cat, who freaks out and begins to porcupuff. Grendel finally notices The Other and his spine telescopes as he evaluates how best to defend his territory, despite the fact that tuxedo cat's window is eight feet above the deck. Undeterred, he bounds off the counter and shoots out the kitty door.
Also, new neighbors totally have our couch. I had no intentions of meeting them until I noticed this and am now plotting how best to confirm, although I'm pretty sure I'll have to wait until my less socially maladjusted half returns.
Sep 22, 2008 at 6:24PM
After I smother myself in perfume from a magazine ad, I rub the strip all over my cat, too. We now smell fabulous.
Oh, shut up. You love woody florals. YES, YOU DO.
